It is the 30th December of '08. I'm in my office having just completed another marketing material for Vibrante. I'm working full day today so, I'm practically stuck in the office until it hits 5 pm. Well, perhaps this time that I have gave me a reason to think about 2008 as a whole. Dang ... it sure was a bumpy one.
I guess I never really practiced what I've been preaching. Things about balancing out the ordinary miracles which happens in our day to day lives. Perhaps I was too focused on the hard hitters that directly punched me in the face. Hey, I'm just human after all. It's like telling a starving scrawny child to be grateful that he is still alive while I am chewing away a half stale hamburger. Surely, to me, a half stale hammie may very well end up in a bin for fear of it being rotten. But perhaps, to that kid, that stale meat sandwiched between two bread could be the very last meal he was ever going to eat on. Hmm ... point to ponder.
For starters, what I've learned from the past year is to NEVER make any resolutions. Chances are, it will (and it has) backfire on me. Take for instance, I vowed to lose weight. But instead of losing weight, I ended up losing TO weight. You can't really blame me though, I was in the land where potatoes and many other high-carbohydrate food were a staple diet. Yes, I am justifying myself and yes, it is because I am guilty. Which actually, brings me to another resolution not coming to reality. I vowed to not justify myself. Actually, I was doing quite well until just now when I decided to justify myself. Hmm ... am I just making it a point to go against my resolutions for the sake of proving a point? Are my points really that valid that it is worth contradicting my resolutions? Oh well, perhaps it may very well be. Sorry, I will not justify that statement. A little deep thought will give it reason enough.
It pretty hard to stand up to what I believe in sometimes especialy when there aren't many people who decides to think like me in the first place. And even if there were, chances are that the person will have a different interpretation to the stand. I cannot find myself agreeing to that matter of interest but neither can I totally deny it at times. It actually makes sense to a certain level sometimes.
Perhaps, sometimes it is the people around me which makes it hard to prove a point. Many people choose to concern themselves over things that do not concern them at all in the first place. Take an example, I've been single for quite some time now and honestly, it is starting to creep me out a little. What is to happen to my future? However, that is the least of my worries. What bothers me most is when I start to get a litle bit more intimate with a girl, meddlers will come in and tell me why it is not a good idea. Sometimes, it even goes to the point of becoming a matter of argument. Damn it! Shouldn't those meddlers become more concern over the fact that I've been single for too long to the point where others are asking about where my sexuality bends towards? POINT TO CLARIFY: I'M NOT GAY! And to top it off, their meddling could very well be a potential factor for me to lose a close friend. Wake up to the 21st century. Being close does not mean taking the plunge into the next level.
For awhile now, I've taken the effort to not want to know how being betrayed is like. Yet again, it arises and happened to me this year. It was worse than what I've felt previously. This time, I was alone with no physical comfort. It was painful. I was in a land I did not enjoy being in, I was sick, I was surrounded by people whom I perceived as friends. And when trouble came, no one came. I knew that if I were back in Malaysia, easily three to four people close enough to me will detect a certain amiss in me. I didn't even have to tell them. They'd ask me instead. Over there, I shared. But the difference was after that, I was left alone. In fact, I was not only left alone, I was distanced!
Oh well, let it be. It's the end of another year. I can only look forward to the new one.
I wonder what it's going to be like?
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